I don’t know what my goal is. What I work for. What I want to do.
In December 2013 my dad past away and with him the centre of my family disappeared. In May 2013 I stepped back as a board member of the Berlin Pirate Party and in August 2013 I quit my job at a TV-Production. In June 2014 I started working for a NGO, and I quit in July again. I feel, I’m not doing anything and I guess I’m simply missing a goal. I tried pulling out old goals, but that doesn’t really work neither.
I have experience in quite a range of things (from growing up on a farm in rural Germany, working as a bike courier, for a TV-Production, several NGOs and political parties to studying philosophy, cognitive science, maths, computer science and culture studies) but none of this feels like it may give me a goal again. So I’m looking for a new one. Something that makes my get out of bed in the morning.
In 2009 I went to Australia as a gap after I left school. In that time I noticed I like reading about net politics more that surfing at awesome Australian beaches. I came back to Germany and got involved into net politics. First at NGOs, later in political parties. Until than everything was somehow pretty good. I struggled on a goal before moving on from NGOs to political parties (first an internship at the green party, later as a board member of the pirate party). I had goals to fight for and I had a team to fight with.
Now after my missed chance to get back to net politics I noticed, I don’t really see my goal in net politics anymore. Maybe I just learned to much about how politics and the world is working, maybe I’m just bored about the same topics again and again not seeing any real progress.
I noticed I need a goal. I still study culture studies at the distance university of Hagen and I really like these studies, as there are pretty interesting, but I’m missing my goal there. The obvious goal is the degree, but I’m not really studying for the degree. Actually I miss the bigger picture. A degree is mainly a step to somewhere and I don’t know where I want to step to. I guess that is the reason why I didn’t really focus on my studies for the past year. I’m missing the goal in there.
In October I want to travel again (first: hitch-hiking to Istanbul), as travelling helped my in 2009 to discover what I wanted. Now I hope that will work again. And I’m blogging these Ideas, as I noticed blogging Ideas makes my thoughts more complete and maybe someone has even some Idea how I can figure out, what may give me a goal again to make me drive for something. Or someone has some Ideas where to travel to or what job to try. Or any other recommendations.
(Sorry for blogging in English. Sometimes it feels easier that way. And please correct my faults, as I’m not a native speaker :) )
Right now I have the goal openmind and that works pretty good for now. It keeps me busy with tasks I like a lot - and I still have the feeling there is somehow a bigger picture behind that conference and that bigger picture feels good.
Like, I don’t do it for the conference itself. I do it for knowing lots of people caring about how the future society may look like. These people are working hard on achieving that better society. This is what makes me go right now.
How it is a week after the conference, I have no clue. But I’ll find out soon :)
Die Reise “Netzpolitik” mag beendet sein, aber die Abenteuer gehen weiter. Ich hoffe, du findest was du suchst - aber am Ende werden wir doch von etwas gefunden :)
Alles Gute, Stephan
Do you really need a goal? Like one of these massive, big, golden arches that you strive to?
I would more think you need a path and some incremental, small, and achievable goals. The big ones don’t happen overnight, as you rightfully said - you travelled for a year to find one. Looks like currently looking at the immediate things, as painful as they are, makes more sense. Once hey are done, search your goal. Purposefully float for a while.